Saturday, June 17, 2023

America is in its Insecure-Attachment Era Discomfort, with intimacy seeming to be on the rise—and no one’s quite sure why.

America Is in Its Insecure-Attachment Era

Discomfort with intimacy seems to be on the rise—and no one’s quite sure why.

A man's arm and a woman's arm holding hands, with a big rectangular block through the center of the image
Illustration by The Atlantic. Source: H. Armstrong Roberts / Getty.

About a decade ago, the social psychologist Sara Konrath led a study that yielded some disturbing results. As a researcher at Indiana University, she’d already found that narcissism rates seemed to be increasing among Americans, and empathy decreasing; that was a combination that didn’t bode well, she feared, for the quality of people’s relationships. So she decided to look more deeply into the state of Americans’ connections—and in order to do so, she turned to attachment theory.

Researchers have identified four basic “attachment styles”: People with a secure style feel that they can depend on others and that others can depend on them too. Those with a dismissing style—more commonly known as “avoidant”—are overly committed to independence and don’t feel that they need much deep emotional connection. People with a preoccupied (or “anxious”) style badly want intimacy but, fearing rejection, cling or search for validation. And people with fearful (or “disorganized”) attachment crave intimacy, too—but like those with the dismissing style, they distrust people and end up pushing them away. Konrath’s team analyzed nearly 100 other studies, completed from 1988 to 2011, that had measured college students’ attachment styles.

They found an unfortunate trend: a 15 percent decrease in secure attachment, along with a 56 percent spike in dismissing attachment and a nearly 18 percent increase in the fearful style—the two types associated with lack of trust and self-isolation. “Compared with college students in the late 1980s,” the researchers wrote in their 2014 meta-review, “a larger proportion of students today agree that they are ‘comfortable without close emotional relationships.’”

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