Great Quips About Old Age

 

"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci

 

"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir

"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain

 

"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller

 

"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns

 

"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg

 

“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault

 

“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben

 

"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns

 

"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot

 

"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers

 

"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown

 

“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney

 

“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino

 

"I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin

 

"Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." - John Wagner

 

"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain

 

"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett

 

"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg

 

"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips

 

"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers

 

"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown “

 

Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns

 

"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.”